Due to a task I am working on to add a parenting class to our calendar, my thoughts gravitated towards many of the the young parents in our midst who were not parented well and may not have insight into how best to raise their children. They may not know where to go for help. It’s been said that there is no manual for raising children, but that may not be entirely true. There are books available, but those books do not come packaged with the birth of the baby.
Infants and Toddlers
While most parents manage to get through the infant and toddler years without major catastrophes, those darling little ones grow faster than young parents can imagine. Before they know it, the cute, funny little baby who made them laugh, may now be creating havoc in the classroom or mimicking ridiculous (and possibly) dangerous TikTok challenges.
That child may be struggling in the classroom, unable to compete academically with other children of the same age.
Juvenile Services
When we think of all that can go wrong with a child in modern society, it may not seem like children are much of a blessing — especially when the parents seem to spend an eternity working with Maryland Department of Juvenile Services representatives, social workers, lawyers and judges.
The opportunities for involvement with drugs and alcohol are immense.
Most Kids do not Find Trouble
Large numbers of children do not fall for society’s traps, but the number of those who do, make the headlines. Many bring about suffering for others because of the bad deeds they perform. Too often, parents are stunned, seemingly having no clue that their child or children could make such poor decisions.
With some children, based on what I have learned over the years, there is a predisposition for mischief, while others are followers of bad behavior. Still, there are those who do not fit either category, but because of other unpleasant circumstances in life, they turn to misdeeds to feel better or rebel against their circumstances.
With all of the above potentialities, it truly takes smart parenting to help children adopt better behavioral practices.
Admittedly, some parents are better suited to the task of raising children than others. Most parents, I would dare say, actually want what is best for their children. Not all parents, however, know how to identify the best methods for guiding children. We see the results of good parenting and bad parenting in society every day. However, it must be understood that there are times with the best parenting, that some children simply refuse to follow the script. There must be a multitude of reasons for wayward children. And some, as we know do not go astray until their adult years. Parents can only do the best they can while praying for those children over the years.
Parenting: The Main Thread in the Fabric of Society
The family is the primary thread in the fabric of society — regardless of the make up of the family unit. Let’s face it, when we see people achieve or when we see utter failure, many of us wonder about family life and upbringing. When we think of ourselves, don’t we think about our childhoods and how our family members guided us or steer us wrong? Too often, we blame our parents for how messed up we are, or if the opposite, we celebrate our parents for our personal and professional successes.
If we agree with the assumptions I have laid out, why is it that we tend to rely so heavily on government for solutions to societal problems, when most likely the answers for a better society lie with us regular folk who see the problems and generally understand why the problems exist?
Politics and Mentoring
Too often, we invest in political candidates and mentoring programs (which I heartily support), except that I find such programs late to the game of life. Let’s start before birth. Let’s start by helping those who are expecting to be parents in the near future. Let’s look at our neighborhoods and make whatever adjustments are necessary. We hear repeatedly that it takes a village to raise a child. If that axiom is true, then what are our villages doing? Some may be functioning well. However, it is painfully obvious that some are barely functioning at all.
In order to be a part of the solution rather than a quiet part of the problem, Maryland Newspapers LLC (Howard Courier and Guilford Gazette) will use its resources to promote educational resources for parents. For organizations, foundations, churches and the like that have programs to help new parents become more knowledgeable and hopefully a little wiser, we will promote your programs free-of-charge. We want to partner with those who are diligently working to build a safer, more constructive Howard County.
Raising the Bar
Also, we are in the beginning stages of creating a program called Raising the Bar, which is designed to help young parents better understand the internal workings of the Howard County Public School System and Parent-Teacher organizations, as well as best practices to guide students toward academic and social success.
For current and expecting parents who would like to become active with positive parenting programs, please stay tuned to our CALENDAR and look for public service announcements in the form of display advertisements on our websites.
– Ricardo Whitaker (Publisher, Howard Courier & Guilford Gazette)
Publisher’s Note: Maryland Newspapers LLC looks forward to providing regular coverage of news and events in Howard County, Maryland. Please support that effort by visiting HowardCourier.com daily, uploading our mobile app, and subscribing, if finances permit.
and then
Dear Mr. Whitaker,
Thank you for your concerns about helping parents raise their children. Many years ago I read an encouragement for learning parenting skills that began with the question: “If you knew that in nine months you would be pushed into a swimming pool, wouldn’t you want to learn how to swim?” Unfortunately too many people fall into that pool and some will sink and some will manage to dog paddle but far too few will have spent time learning how to stay afloat and nove through the water!
Some states have life skills as part of education. A number of years ago, the state of New York developed a K-12 curriculum that started in kindergarten with children learning the names of their anatomy including genitalia and progressed grade through grade with children learning about how children grow, puberty, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and some parenting discussions, all before Grade 12. I don’t know if they still have that curriculum or if other states have adopted it, but including such valuable discussions and teaching would really help prepare young people for what for most of them will be the most important job in their lives and that is raising a child to become a caring, resilient and independent adult.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I lived outside the US and my mother sent me a book on childbirth. When I came to my hometown before the baby was due, she helped me find some childbirth classes. When I called the person who taught the classes she asked me whether I was going to breastfeed.
I answered as I suppose the majority of women did and still do: “I suppose so, if I have milk”. I think our society brings us up to think that this is something innate and not necessarily something you have to learn (similarly about parenting). She then said I should call a number, that turned out to be the number of the local La Leche League Leader (a trained volunteer –who helps mothers to breastfeed) and that I had to read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (now in its ninth edition and titled The Art of Breastfeeding). That was my introduction to parenting and in fact, becoming a breastfeeding mother transformed my life and gave me the basic skills to stay afloat in that pool! My grandchildren are now in their late teens and their parents and they (of course they were breastfed) have become the caring, resilient and independent people that we would all like to raise.
I think that parenting skills I learned (and continue to teach as a La Leche Leader here is Columbia) from La Leche League and other parenting organizations I have been involved with, transformed my life and supported me in rearing these caring, resilient and independent people. When the Columbia Flyer existed, we used to post the meeting information in it, but since then, there has been no real way of getting the information about our in-person and Zoom meetings out to the wider public. So perhaps the Howard Courier could become a vehicle for letting more people know.
In addition, there was a time when I wrote a column for the local paper in the city I was living in at the time that answered many of the questions young people and young parents have about parenting. I would be happy to take that up again or collaborate with someone who might be interested in doing something like that if the Courier wanted such a feature. Thank you very much and best wishes.